It was dark. The pathway ahead was faintly visible and the ground felt soft, absorbing my footsteps as I passed over it running. The air was cool and damp from a recent rain. At first, running was easy. A slight breeze was blowing towards me. As I increased my pace, so did the resistance from the breeze. I reached a point in my speed that the breeze subsided… almost as if I had ‘punched’ through the resistance. My running became easier.
This went on for a while, so I decided to increase my speed again. The breeze returned and this time it was stronger. Again, I ‘punched’ through the resistance and it was somewhat less turbulent. I increased my speed… the resistance returned more strongly than before. Increased speed certainly meant more wind resistance. But this was a dream and I was well aware it was a dream. I had the distinct feeling that these breezes were in essence, more like walls. Each wall that I passed was met with more walls and more resistance. As I eclipsed each breeze wall, my strides became longer and the distance between the walls decreased, meaning that I was transcending the breeze walls more rapidly and not enjoying the reduced turbulence before encountering the next wall. I was caught in a constant state of buffeting air. It was interesting and annoying at the same time.
It’s funny when you’re dreaming and you know it’s a dream. Yet, it’s frustrating. Things happen in dreams with which we’re given very detailed feelings we can’t describe, and information we don’t know quite how to fit together. I don’t think this was a very hard dream to analyze. I’m no Sigmund Freud, but this dream felt very much like I was running towards goals and meeting resistance all along the way. The goals achieved were met with more resistance in accomplishing the goals ahead.
Dreams are funny things. What purpose they serve, is debatable and speculative.
A recent dream of mine, so rich in details, that it remained fresh in my mind for some time after awakening. That’s rarely the case for me. I’m sure I dream frequently but usually don’t recall them once I’m awake. This dream was different… and it went something like this…
A group of us were gathered in a large room, awaiting others for a planned meeting. I walked around the perimeter of the room, talking with a co-worker. The time came and the boss walked into the room. She began to give us a quick, rehearsed speech, thanking everyone for a job well done. As she talked, she walked around the room handing out summations of each recipient’s work, with a detailed analysis of their strengths and weaknesses. In turn, I recieved my handout. It was a two page report. The top page consisted of a written summary, broken down into sub categories. The second page was a circular chart that plotted my strengths and weaknesses, as noted on the first. A quick glance at the circular chart had me pegged at the most extreme top right of the chart. Reading the first page, the summarized narrative went on to explain that ‘despite Patrick’s recent kerfluffle stating that the state has no need of…’. I had the impression that I was being admonished for not embracing the idea of socialism… which was odd because the dream was work related. Why was my political stance included in something that had to do with my employment? I didn’t get that concept. But I did get a distinct feeling, looking at the circular chart, that I was somehow (symbolically at least) on the autism spectrum. Like I said before, I was pegged at the extreme range of the chart, and couldn’t go any farther. I assume that the goal was to be as close to the center as possible. I was nowhere close. It was at this point that I awoke.
What does it mean? I don’t know. I firmly believe there’s some link between dreams and waking reality. I think dreams are a way to sort out ideas and problems while we sleep. A way to examine outcomes to problems, scenarios, etc., without suffering real world consequences. And maybe, they’re a way to give us insights into ourselves?
The circular chart bothered me. It seemed that the chart was somehow important in the dream. I remember that I kept flipping back to that page and looking at it, trying to grasp its meaning.
I’ve always had the ability to remain calm and collected during times of great stress. The world, in a manner of speaking, could be on fire… and I would pause, assess my situation, and cautiously plan my next several moves. In such times, my dreams would roughly parallel reality. The dreams would be very lucid, almost tangible, and would leave me thinking about them long after waking.
One particular dream seems to reoccur periodically. The dream would pick up about where it left off previously but would then loop around and begin again… much like a skipping record. In the dream, I would be crouched on a narrow wall, looking inward, as best I could… into a small square-shaped, but very dark courtyard and, with what little light was available, a shadowy vapor-like mass could be seen lurking… wandering about. It moved much like a living organism and behaved as if it were intelligent. From time to time, I’d have to re position myself along the top of the wall trying to avoid the shadow below. It appeared to me that it was seeking me out but it didn’t know quite where I was. My periodic movements would attract its attention… and it would just be a matter of time before I’d have to move again, to avoid being caught.
The shadow had the air about it of malevolence and harshness. It filled me with a sense of dread and impending doom. From my vantage point along the wall, I could faintly make out that the ground below was slowly rising. As it rose, I could see the mist getting closer to reaching me. Moving away quickly and quietly as I could, I snuck along the wall to escape its reach. To my amazement, the wall must’ve been on an incline, because I could see that I was putting more height between myself and the following mist. The ground kept rising… I crept along… the mist kept coming…
Inevitably I’d awake with an uneasy feeling… with the dream fresh upon my mind. I’ve thought at length about the underlying meanings of this dream. I could feel my angst reflected perfectly in the dream. I’m the type of person who avoids conflict if at all possible. The mist symbolized the stressful situation at that point in my life. Moving along the wall just out of reach, and trying to not attract the attention of the mist, was my way of distancing myself from an unpleasant event. The ground rising up, to me, symbolized unresolved issues coming back to haunt me. The inclined wall was my temporary escape route.
Would the courtyard ground ever stop rising? Would the wall level off and allow the mist to reach me? Would I finally have to confront the mist?